Lost and Lonely

dust dust

2010-01-06T00:15:00.002+08:00

Weihey. . .
2010 and im still thinking of 2009! Jakarta was great, really missed the place and peeps there. 2010 kicked off in Jakarta and expecting a whole of shit coming my way, A WHOLE LOT!

Kalau nak rempit, bukan di Singapore.

2009-11-10T12:14:00.003+08:00

So, been up and working since, school and also work, and been busy getting RX-Z done and working well. Currently having alot of things to get. Totally forgot that BIRTHDAY is around the corner! HAHA! Not expecting presents because I don't really get them for other people. So ya, I guess the Z have been present to me, a present which I think is going to last long. Mum just found out that Z was as old as M, older to be exact! She was mad, and I've been ensuring her that its no biggie. Mum and Dad have been constantly reminding me to be safe on the road. I did, and will, put all my tempts aside. I already brought her to the doctor twice. Look like she is doing good.

School have been hard on the head lately, been busting some stupid mathematics shit really. I could really die of doing this. For work, its going well. Making alot friends with just a smile.=) Been working late night just to get some money for Z, mom, myself. I've been trying to stop getting off from mom lately. Maybe I could manage my own petrol money and normal allowances but from the look of things, its not happening yet. I pity mom alot, she's having trouble with brother lately, and he's getting on my nerves about all this money thingy. Maybe not to go to the extend into this. So yeah, I wanna help mom and myself. =)

November!

2009-11-02T14:15:00.002+08:00

WAH! What a great way to start the month! Spend the 1st night with me two mates, dancing to Bushmen till morning!! HAHA! Ouh and a new family member soon to come! RX-Z! =)

Truth that hurts doesn't really hurt as rumours behind your back.

2009-10-23T08:14:00.002+08:00

The other day I've been chatting with Wan, one of the earlier riders in our clique. The tzm racer. As I had much respect for me, he too did the same, but once in awhile we do joke around.
So was chatting about his tzm and about him hitting the tracks soon. Then I ask him the for the honest truth of all, because I heard from my own brother that people are saying that I can't ride half as good as my brother, I'm the cause of problem for M and also that I'm letting down my bro's rep. I mean come on, 6 months, I can't do all that in 6 months. Obviously people don't know. Oh well.

Then I asked Wan, was it me who was the root of the problem for the bike, and he said "this gonna hurt" and said yes! I mean I didn't feel as bad as I did when bro came up to me and say "eh, budak2 cakap kau tak tau bawak motor" and everything else, fine, now people should know why im getting that RX-Z.

Ooops, major failure.

2009-10-14T12:30:00.003+08:00

Oooops! This is one of the major failure this year, aww, failed the car TP. That's fine, anything's free for change. Gonna book book, and keep booking. Maybe it that achievement quota for this year. Too much achievements for this year. In fact, another has just came rolling today. RX-Z soon! Mom didn't want me to get any 2nd or 3rd hand bike, so she insisted the 1st hand one, first thing in mind RX-Z. TZM tolak tepi sudah, tapi masih sayang ah. Kasi tu bahalol jaga motor sendiri, aku je jage, baru brape bulan semua aku kene. Tapi nasib tak kene langgar ngn kereta ituhari, confirm2 mati katak.

Rx-z lah bradder, no choice. Tapi Ducati mesti ada jugak! HAHA!

25ml to 1 litre

2009-09-26T03:10:00.002+08:00

I miss that. Hahaha.
Okay, M is doing great on vacation I hope, I decided to halt some changes on her, like her paint work and also some other stuffs. I think I only need her to be at her best state when I get her again. I went to Johor with bro and some of the other mates to hand some money for M's repair. I've been dreaming of her new paintwork every day but I guess it will take a longer time to make that dream come true. Oh well.

All is well for the first 6th days of Raya. One of my dad's uncle came by and wanted to hand my dad and me some things which my dad kinda declined, he said I wasn't prepared for it and it could bring bad news if I am not prepared, so I guess I have to prepare myself. Speaking of preparations, my car TP test is 3 weeks away and I have no idea on how to park or do some of those things on car. Damn! I'm dead. I guess.

I've been putting much time on work and stuffs like Raya and all. Oh ya! Can't wait to go out with friends, have some Raya gathering and stuffs. Gain my weight again. AGAIN!

Raya's not helping actually. Oh well, I know there is something I cannot control. =)

Salam.

Another wonderful month.

2009-09-17T22:54:00.004+08:00

We come well prepared and now its time to say goodbye to another holy month of the year. Its saddening really, seeing a month past so fast. Maybe not much people are really valuing this month, because maybe the don't realise that maybe we may not see another holy month like this, I'm proud to say that I managed to go through the whole month without not fasting. I also managed to control my emotions, and I also met someone new, I mean a friend, every ramadhan I do! =) I wish that maybe one day I'll get to meet her soon.

The other day, 2 weeks or so, I spent the whole morning since 2 till sahur reading the Quran, because I wasn't being myself, I lost my consciousness to thin air. I remember reading page after page before having a short nap while waiting for sahur, and yet again like every other ramadhan I cried, because I felt a presence, unexplainable, a positive force in my room. My dad says it couldn't have been evil because its the holy month, and it wasn't either, it gave me calamity and peace. I've been remembering Granny everytime I listen to the sad Raya songs on the radio. I miss her very much, 12 years still hadn't moved any thought of her. Maybe she live peacefully just like Dad's Father, and Dad's Grandpa. I'm sure they are living peacefully down there. I know they are. =)

(cont'd)

So today was the last day for terawih prayers and I couldn't make it, I guess I'll carry on with my own prayers and maybe do some Quran reading till sahur. The thing is, as hard as I can get, people know I'm soft some where in here *the heart*. Its really one of those nights when you feel you are at the most peaceful state of mind, you read the Quran, it will nurture the feeling and you know you are ready for tomorrow. Every Raya, there's always something nice happening to me, in my room, but its not really enough to be written here. I wish there really is a blessing this month because everything have been good for me.

Exams results was okay for me, got 3.5 for my gpa, didn't expect that at all, seriously. Word out is that schools starting at Oct 19, which means I can still work more to get my bike all shaped up for the year. =)

To folks, and friends, new and old, lost or found, here's wishing you Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin. Kalau ade jarum yang patah jangan di simpan di dalam peti, kalau ada kata-kata yang salah jangan di simpan di dalam hati.

Salam Aidilfitri.

Would it really matters?

2009-09-09T17:55:00.000+08:00

A tiring day at work, spent 16 hours at work. Although its really a great place to work. I couldn't stand the mats there, but wth, everywhere we go, there is always one! So I got to do most of the easy jobs. M was having problems lately, and then my brother has just decided to do away with it, sell it to the shop or something, then I didn't talk to him for the whole day. Even mom too. I feel bad actually, but all and all, I know its my fault, even the kids told my brother how reckless I am on the road and how mean I am to M, but they couldn't understand. KORANG YANG TAK PAHAM, JANGAN MACAM PAHAM AH. So much to say, I'm planning to leave M for a 'vacation' down by the doctor's shop, and maybe pick her up when she's well and 'new'. By hook or by crook, I will never want to sell that bike and if I have too, I'll tear the paintwork apart, I'll keep all the parts and exchange them local parts, because I don't want to see the bike with some mat rep, abang2 design, or racer wannabe on it in the future. I'd rather scrap it then selling it. I AM MEAN. I AM YAT.

I am okay.

2009-08-29T17:47:00.000+08:00

Don't worry, I have survived a thousand falls before, what makes you think I won't survive this time. Its not the love that I am longing for, its the time and company that we humans are a so used to having. I long for that and I know you wouldn't be the same even for the moment we saw each other, the past seemed to have hunt and killed that feeling between us, girl. I know, because I felt it way way too much. If its indifference thats breaking us apart, I wouldn't have put the slightest hope on you. Thats why I thought for a moment, I was blessed. I will survive this fall.

Damn you Mkom.

2009-08-25T15:16:00.001+08:00

I know this is weird, but the I just got fined for modified exhaust, its weird when you get caught for things that you didn't do, I didn't do this, my brother did! So the thing is Mkom, I'll curse you for hailing me down that fateful day, I curse you that you wouldn't be celebrating Raya this year, you are such a pain in the arse Mkom. You can go around doing what you people do best, catching people with not much illegal modifications.

How about the matreps and mat mat designs, asal dorang tak kene? Ape malam dapat pe kalau tak tangkap dorang, come on please, you guys are bullshit you have alot of other people to spot and you spot this kid with a P-plate riding to school! You guys are plain bullshit, you guys don't make the road safe, what can a modified exhaust do to the road compared 'sotong' tyres and racing modified bikes, come on, my bike wasn't modified for racing, you guys are crap! If I were to race, I would buy myself a racing suit and head for the track. You guys waste my time and effort to change back to the stock exhaust and still charge me $500, so what am I going to eat? Sand? The bike already gave me problems and its all because of you and then you still have the cheek to charge $500. I'm vexed, really I am.

Is is or is it not.

2009-08-11T00:53:00.003+08:00

Maybe all these while, someone really stood by me, not physical but through these emotional storm that's brewing. Maybe she has been there and done that, to say what happens next, what to do and what to not do. Someone who keeps pushing me before I fall, and eventually will fall but slowly. She helps me ease the pain, so much to that, we will share it. Like talk things out. Sometimes I thought to myself why did we not contact for the whole year of last year. Why? Maybe I was dumbstruck. Whatever the reasons were, it did not last, she's an overall a great person to be with. Someone who doesn't bother to give up friendship for a relationship that she know has a low probability of lasting. She know who she is, when she read this, she knows, or maybe she's that belo~ haha~

Not much of a great weekend.

2009-08-10T11:07:00.000+08:00

Went for Sheesha with mates and we kinda left early. That to me thats not the main part. The bike just made a decision to bail on me again! Seriously I was about to send it for service today but I already PUSHED it into m'sia yesterday night, thanks to Dan. It was an adventure. So won't be seeing baby M in a while, cause I need some funds to back up for all the repairs, and maybe a new paintwork, then again, maybe not.

Long Long holiday

2009-08-08T02:29:00.000+08:00

4 days of rest and enjoy and fun had started yesterday!
Went to neighbour's bbq pit, East Coast Park sucks ah, seriously, the parking lots and the pits, are so far apart! Then off to watch G.I Joe! Cool movie, a MUST WATCH! I have much much more plans ahead, oh ya, I've decided not to catch any fireworks this year because, it kinda reminded me of something of last year. Hmmm and also I'm not proud to be a Singaporean, to be honest, because I've learnt about the true Singapore, the bullshit that have been with this country! Tomorrow, meeting them mates, for Sheesha and also before that, have to head to Local bike shop.
Sunday, is total busy day, got a wedding and also some 'kenduri', then maybe head to Forum, if I'm free. Monday, is long awaited, a visit to the best bike shop in the world! Haha! Need to get somethings done on the bike and also put that ZZZ on my M! I mean our M.

Oh yeah, I'm missing someone, but I can't decide who I missed most! =(

I still have that temptation to get that full face helmet, just that, it wouldn't go right on with my bike~ haha!

Wouldn't it be nice?

2009-08-05T21:32:00.000+08:00

Suddenly, I feel all messed up.

Besides waking up all cranky and mad, for two days in a row, I've not been having good sunshiny days lately. Maybe this weekend outing with them mates shall do the trick. How would I know that things are not going to be my way this week. Its a totally shit week, to me. My guesses are they are more to come, just hope that Ramadhan this year is going to be way better than last year~

Now besides the long bus-rides home, the long hours in school are also keeping me away from spending time at home as much and I'm supposed to continue this for another 2 years plus, darn! I need to get some transport in, I was thinking of any normal bike, because this current bike that we are sharing seems to attract too much attention! =(

This is my country! Err no! This is HIS country~

2009-08-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

Come on, everybody knows that Singapore is not a democratic country! Darn rite it doesn't. I wish to move some place elsewhere. I guess maybe Malaysia! Err no, no, worse! Haha!

Its been a long long time since we've really got a plan rite? I mean, next Monday is really looked forward to. I'm so not going for fireworks! It will be a busy day, but well paid of course! So yes! Monday is going to be a happy happy day I hope! =)

Weekend Kaboom!

2009-08-03T16:56:00.000+08:00

So Sunday, I couldn't make it for Rhaimy's gig because we ended late but I didn't miss a chance to go to Hard Rock and party! Met up with them mates at Forum and we made our way to HRC. I can bet with you, that almost all the people there were drinking but I managed to NOT DRINK, because I remembered people telling me not to, and also I was riding, don't want to end up at the wrong side of the law. The vibe and atmosphere there was great, besides not having alot of mats and minahs, we have abang-abangs and kakak-kakaks which was more of a better replacement. The songs were great, the crowd! Chicks were hot too, but mostly taken, but c'mon, in clubs, its so hard to be protective of your girl, when she's all drunk and wild you know! So it ended at 3! and I reach home at 3.20. Fast eh? HAHA! The road was damn empty I tell you.

Saturday Saturday Saturday.

2009-08-01T11:22:00.001+08:00

What else you gonna do on a Saturday?

I'm going out! Gathering today with the folks from last November's DJ course, after almost a year of not meeting up, finally. We are going to a karaoke session I guess. Can't wait. Yesterday spent an hour or so alone. Plug in to my mp3 and went off for a ride. Sort of a reflection kinda ride, alone mah. Ended up in the west end of Singapore! Then headed to Forum, from which headed home without entering the Expressway, cool huh! Then got a call from Nabeel! Going out with Sharul and Ruzaini, again another ride to Changi where had some drinks and slack till 2. Which was kinda boring, going out with 4-strokes folks. HAHA! Then it was home time, but when I got home! The family already went to Changi to have supper. I wanted to join though but I guess I need to keep up to the vow of 2 meals per day only. So far this week had been a success!

Tomorrow's gonna be a long long day. Got a wedding to attend and maybe to Rhaimy's gig, then off to Hard Rock Cafe, with who? Alone I guess but I did drop Syed a message to put me on the guestlist *ni bukan world okay! ni betol betol*. So ya, just in case. Anyway, I tried to get people to join, but everybody has school on the Monday. I'm starting late, so its fine to me.

Apa khabar kawan, long time no see.

2009-07-20T09:22:00.002+08:00

Thursday was spent with Farhana, I managed to convince her to accompany me record the sunset and we did!!
Weekend was weak! Friday ended late, because we had a test at 6 and ended at 7.30. So spent time with poly mates till 1030 and headed home. Saturday went well. Met up with poly mates to watch a band which one of them was playing at Heeren. Then at around 7, met up with Yan Violent and Man Kembar at Forum. We talked alot, more than before. They shared their stories and I kinda feel sad that things really have changed, and they also told me, how the upset the old boys were to learn about this situation. I told them, I tried my best but people changed, heads grow bigger. 3 hours was so short and they was more to talk about. They headed off to work, while I met up with the kampong mates. We hang out until my brother came so I parked the bike and got into the car, and we went for a quick drive-thru at mac for some desserts. We talked until 4 and we went home! However I've got a mission! So I tried my luck calling Miss Girl and she was up! So I asked if she wants to go out, accompany me record the sunrise! So I picked her up and off we went to Merlion Park. Great sunrise but I was so tired that I couldn't talk much when I was on the bike. Sent her home, sent myself home, put myself on the bed and heaven.. It was 9.

At 11. Mom woke me up! Told me that the family was going for breakfast! I was so pissed off but she told me we are going to Bedok Corner, then my stomach told me, lets go! Haha! Long time since I had Nasi Ayam Penyet. It was great. Went home with thoughts of just having a powernap. Then ended up I had a long sleep till 6! Haha!
I was like 'there goes my weekend'. Then them mates called and said that they are going to find some table tennis bats and play ping pong at night. We made our way to Giant then Mustafa until we decided on one of the bats. They set it up while I went to buy dinner. Then we played until around 12. I mean, I played until 12 and managed to end the night all good.

Weekends~

2009-07-13T09:50:00.003+08:00

Friday met up with Forum mates, tried to catch with some stuffs, then headed for kampong again~ Nothing much.
Saturday was kinda worst, was supposed to go to JB and get back by 3 or 4. The service took a long time and it ended at 8 was pissed off! So I was like, wtf sia, met the guys again at kampong. Then they were thinking of going out for a ride, but everybody ended up going for supper and HOME! HOME you know! So I was double pissed off, until Shabir asked me to accompany him send Khabir home. So I was okay, hmmm something fishy, I WAS DAMN RIGHT! =) haha! half an hour later I was with him, doing 160 down from punggol to jalan kayu. TWICE! haha! Sometimes people teach you all this bad things just for the feel, don't do it frequently. There goes my Saturday and Sunday was really unexpected was supposed to meet someone, in the morning but she ended up going to Johor without telling. So I was pissed off, so I went to watch Syahid, Zuhair and Epul skate at the newly-built skate park at ECP. Cool Shite, but I didn't skate so it was boring ah. Then again I was trying to get to that girl. However it was only at 10 that she told me she wanted to hang out. So I picked her up by her place and went to McD's drive thru and went to somewhere only we know. It was all nice and sweet moment but nothing was more than just friends. =) Seriously. Then after all was done, I send her to her workplace at 2 in the morning and left her! WAIT, don't think of me as a bad guy or something. She insisted and I was running late! =) So ya. Sunday was that best day of the weekend! =)

There goes my Saturday~

2009-07-05T09:47:00.002+08:00

Was out on Friday night with mates to Changi Beach, planned for a BBQ night out, and also an overnight stay. Talked crap for the whole night till the morning~ came home at around 9, and had to follow service the family car. Left early, slept in the bus home. Which was only for a few minutes. Reached home, packed up and left for JB! Reached at 12 on the dot, got most of the things fixed at around 6. However, the brake light was giving a problem. Thus we couldn't fix it so I had to go because it was already 9! The road was damn scary at night, serious shit. I was so glad to pass by Singapore's checkpoint all safe and sound and was enjoying my smooth ride powered by V-Power fuel! It really makes a difference ah and so! =)

Friday Night~

2009-06-28T02:23:00.002+08:00

It was a night of riding and smoke smoke smoke machine, I mean the bike! We started off to Sengkang to check out the creepy park, then we had some drive-thru desserts. Then we waited for one of them mates to reach, and it took him freaking long. Thus wasting time, but it was worth it, so from Sengkang we made our way until Upper Thomson Rd, without, I repeat without using the Expressway, cool? I was LOST! Haha, so shocked that we reached so far just by the main roads.

Then I was introduce to this cool and creepy place, the Devil's Bend. Haha, a series of tight corners, dark and secluded, but the four of just ran through it, nothing serious, I was a total noob man. Haha. Then we went to Mandai Night Safari which was obviously close at 12 in the morning. Then we decided to have another run to Rifle Range Rd, which we gave up finding, thus making our way home.

This morning I woke up, and was kinda bored, really bored! Haha! So I made my way to the Devil's Bend again, its at Upper Pierce Reservoir Rd actually. This time it was packed with people, and it was not really nice to go through, no wonder people go riding at night. So ya! I went to get lost, its a choice by the way and went to meet dad. Slacked with him for awhile, before meeting a friend of mine, for another night out.

Met up with lovely family for night dinner/supper at Haji Khadir. Great place. Nice food. Then ended the night early, I'm here!

May God Bless You, Moonwalker

2009-06-26T16:42:00.004+08:00

Yes, to be honest, I was shocked of the news myself, but its a natural thing for people to go to the otherside. This post is strictly from my personal life, nothing to do with my friends, or family. He had made an impact in my life, on his careers, his moves, his views of the world. He has also showed much patience on the evil world of America. Accusations and other mistreatment, true or false, he has his rights. Ouh well, he's gone. Maybe I'm not a much of a fan, but I like him alot. I had never liked him when he tried to change to a white man, I'd always love him as a black singer, and to me, he died as a black singer because he was born black. Maybe its his time to go. May Allah bless your soul. Amin.

A bit too late for a post for Saturday!

2009-06-24T11:41:00.002+08:00

Okay! Gig day; we managed well, for a last minute gig that is! We had a last minute jam and everything was last minute, Mahdi took back his boots at the last minute, Lam altered his pants at the last minute, I fixed my strings at the last minute. So yeah! We managed and we can! Something about gigs that I hate is not seeing any crowd, but I guess that is what new bands always see but we ain't no new band! A year has passed and still the same shit. However the best ever gig was way back in Novemeber!

Ouh well, crowd or no crowd, we always knew that our real mates are there to support us. Fuckin Brill! Besides we are proud to have an empty crowd rather than a crowd half made up of posers! No way we can live with that. One more thing, Delirium, we don't live by hypocrisy. Sorry.

To the extend that its Wednesday now! I shall add that on Monday! I went out with ....... with all the hopes to watch Night at the Museum 2/ Monsters VS Aliens. However at the very last minute while queuing, she brought up the idea of watching Drag me to hell! So I asked her, if she was sure. YES was the answer. So for half of the movie or so, she covered her ears which was obviously not working because the effects was too loud. Me on the other hand, was going to spill my guts all over the floor! hahaha! The suspense was weak but the scares are awesome!HAHA!

Tuesday, spent the whole day sleeping, and met up with Syahid and the rest for usual lepak, and Syahid came out with the idea of recording him Stuntride. He sure got alot of passion! So headed to farmway, one word, CREEPY! Shot a few vids and voila otw back! =)
I stayed up the whole of yesterday to watch Night at the Museum 2! =) it was fun~

Clocks and Humans.

2009-06-17T09:24:00.002+08:00

I couldn't sleep the other night, because I was thinking of how to paitao Syahid, its not that I wanted to but I was forced to. I was supposed to follow him to Tuas racing track to get some video of him taking the corners. Been busy these past few days, doing stickers for his bike and managed to get some on my helmet! Haha.

I missed my old friends, truly. Maybe I'm forgotten but they are not to me. I miss all those mates I used to call brothers and sisters. The family. =(

The ritual never heal.

2009-06-16T00:18:00.002+08:00

Its about time we done something for once right, ouh ya, like talking behind someone's back. Ouch!

Spent the morning in school, gym and breakfats. Then headed to jalan besar to get a new seat. Come on, tell me who's not so excited with a fucking new bike, if you don't then you ain't human. I mean, something new in life, just like a year ago. All hyped up every Saturday to get to the one place we called home. We called our homeground. Then I guess too much friends from downtown, changed our views. I mean, I have NOTHING to do with the kids downtown, I don't owe them a living, a life nor a sense of belonging. I've been there 4 years ago and I will never be that downtown poser once again, I once again say, I'd rather get in my boots with a head full of hair, then go bald with boots but with a poser heart. I'm sorry kids downtown. Its nothing personal, but Forum doesn't owe anybody any living. Because they had made it happened 19-20 years ago, without help, and I'm sure we can do it too but I guess, people are just too blind and then I get lazy to entertain this.

Man Gemok knock some sense into me yesterdays. I'm not sure if he does to the other kids and yes Indra knock some bloody sense into me too but I know this doesn't give me any prior advantage. No, I don't consider myself lucky, doesn't mean your brother is one of those top boys in his time, doesn't mean you are in your time, I mean, my time is now, and I don't see any top boy yet. None. To say the least, I miss 12 April, 31 April, 7 June. A year and things just gotta changed. No one is there to be blame. I'm just tired of this already. *smirks*

Because things changed.

2009-06-15T00:21:00.002+08:00

Perhaps one of the reason that I threw myself back against the wall, fists up and ready to go, was because I lack the trust in the people that I used to call friends. Yes, I admit the drastic change that I faced since 2nd April, but its what people don't understand because they are not there yet.

To think about the fact that WE didn't start Forum is important, look at the people who have gone before us, some change, some are not there anymore, some even don't even wanna look back but we all know, they have Forum pride in their hearts before, and having Forum Pride is way way meaningful then some gangster-wannabe-drugs-running-glue-sniffing junkies.

Yes, I'm sure people will read this. Hell, there's something they would wanna say but I guess. Na'ah.

FORUM BOOTBOYS is not going to be dead just because the kids are not there, and not because some one of them just turned into a greaser with a whole lotta hair on his head.

Sat a day!

2009-06-14T10:21:00.003+08:00

Got up to a late morning. Waited for brother to get back to once again make my way to JB and the scariest thing happened, just after the Spore immigration my bike just stop and couldn't start! HAHA! I was sweating like hell man, luckily then was this indian JB guy who help push start my bike, that dude saved me man and I couldn't say thanks because he was so far behind. The made my way to the shop. A few hours passed and things were okay, so its time to go home. One more lucky strike was, When I exited from the expressway, the road was damn clear so, I tried out bike's best, when suddenly I saw the fucken TP! HOWEVER he was on the otherside of the road! NYAHAHAHA!

Then it was chill time. Didn't had a plan for the night, because everybody seemed busy so ya. I went out with Sri. HAHA! Out of all people kan? Yup, her. Something I just love about her, its she can't stop talking, and she doesn't talk crap. Its all those sensible things about life. I enjoyed lepak-ing with her.

Today was supposed to meet up Syahid to get stickers on his bike, and was supposed to meet at 8, but he got home late yesterday, he went stunt riding, mcm best gitu kan gi stuntriding! haha!

Yes, before I forget, Dear's getting an off day next week, like finally! haha!

Mok Rempit!

2009-06-07T00:41:00.002+08:00

Today. I balanced my life on Malaysia's damned highway. Alone! haha! I managed to get lost but returned safely to meet my mates down at Forum. The bike's doing fine, it has been one of the priority in my life especially when I got it from my bro. I've got to take of it.

Next week is common test week! Must study! =)

Where's the pride?

2009-06-06T00:22:00.002+08:00

People put their pride where they probably don't see it, or maybe they just don't care. Maybe in their arsehole. We don't know, I mean, I don't know. So yeah! It was hell of a day today. Uhuh! Yes. I think might be one of our wonderful days! =)

Don't expect any bright future ahead or any rainy days either. Its so unpredictable, anything can happen. Tomorrow is Saturday and its a good day for a good joy ride to town, or somewhere nice and quiet.

Too much yama, too little time.

2009-06-02T19:54:00.002+08:00

I was raised up to pretend not to care about all this shit, that you are talking about family and important stuffs to care about. You pushed me aside and only get back to me when the need arise. I've been through all this since the day we declared friendship. I'm disappointed but hell you wouldn't care.

Sunday was great. No shit happened. Can you imagine that? I went with Rhaimy BK, Tini and Dale and the rest of BK. Got in for free. I joined BK for their last song, Before Dishonour! Yeah! Delirium could have performed. I wish. Well. No use blabbering about it, the shit's done. Another gig coming up this 20th, and I bet we will not be invited, I mean, who would want to invite a band who can't play. My greatest apologies to Man Gemok, Herill, Mohairy and the crew.

I deserve this?

2009-05-31T11:05:00.002+08:00

This feeling of just being me has done me good this time. I spent the whole of yesterday taking care of my cousin. I'd sacrifice my fucking weekend for it. I've got the bloc and piston but the shop is closed today, so I shall go tomorrow, get the bike fixed by next week and common test is around the corner.

Tell me something that will make me smile sincerely and happily. Tell me the reason why I'm waiting for you when I can go for someone else. Give me choices, I'll wreck them all.

Today is gig day! Bare Knuckles playing and in order to get a free entry, they are taking me as their 2nd vox! Haha! Today's gonna be fun.

Al mighty

2009-05-29T22:43:00.002+08:00

Its about time people realise something. I'm human too you know. Tsk.

Days are getting more caught up with stupid stuffs. I have a cousin who is going through a major change. Fuck shit. I've got a naked bike in the workshop waiting for its new parts. I have people talking behind my back. I have kids wanting me to die and rot.

Aku boleh jadi ape aku nak, aku nye suker. Bukannye korang tak kenal aku ni. Aku tak heran lah kau siapa, aku tak heran lah kau ade siapa bawah tangan kau. Aku rempuh punya 'brader'. Kau nak buat bodoh, buat lah kebodohan kau tu. Siapa yang kesah. Ape yang aku tau. Biler aku masok kubur, aku masok sorang. Suka hati korang nak cakap ape, nak pikir ape dengan otak korng yang kecik tu. Suker suker je bobal belakang, tapi depan tak berani kan. One day I'll take you down. All of ya! FUCK YA!!

The colour yellow represents pride and loyalty. Obviously the kids downtown don't fucking understand it.

Mum and Dad.

2009-05-28T23:03:00.003+08:00

A post dedicated to the most dedicated human beings I've lived with.

Never a day past without hard work, sweat and exhaustion. All just to keep the lights shining, the water running, the fire burning and the kids living. Never a thought to give up, never a thought to surrender. Showing the best examples to everyone. Respect all, fear none. Teaching their kids to behave where appreciated. Although some moments are inevitably sickening. Words that came out were harsh, we understood by recalling the troubles they when through all these years. They told us that they didn't want to see us suffer in the future. We understood and we took every moment with thoughts of their wise words. Every moment of our lives we remembered them, because without them, we are good as dead.

Mum was there all along, with tears and also smiles, in my successes and failures she was behind me. All along she prayed for the best although we couldn't give her the best. I'm proud to say, she's my mum, the woman who's there all along my 18 years of life. I'm happy to see her happy, but I knew her sorrows are too deep for the whole family. I know, that one day I will pay for what she'd done for us. For dad, for brother, for me.

Dad, he was there even though he wasn't physically there. Banker of the family. The one who never gives a shit about other people's wealth, because he understands the true meaning of getting rich, not of money and wealth but of the love and care for the family. I saw him break chairs on my brother, but my brother didn't lay a hand on him. I saw him crack the belt on my brother but brother didn't ran out of the house. I didn't escaped from what my brother felt. I didn't escape reality because at the end the day, we know that he loves us. He didn't have to show us.

Years go by, but memories remain.

Downtown is burning.

2009-05-25T21:43:00.002+08:00

This Sunday is Music Fest, whatever it is. Yeah, I'm going man, I need to stupid downtown kids have 'fun'. Or maybe I won't waste my money to go watch then waste their lives away.

The thing is, I'm there to watch Bare Knuckle play. We can forget about The Bois, we can forget about whatever other bands that comes with them. Tsk. I'm also looking forward to SKP, an old punk band. Yeah and Unknown Soldier. I'm sure all the trash-kids will be there. I'll see them there too.

Look. Its not important what I write here. Its important what you see this Sunday. So come on down! Yeah!

Exodus!

2009-05-24T14:04:00.002+08:00

Movement of the people!

Its like so common these days that friends forget friends. Remember 'you gotta make it in this world alone'. So I've decided to send TZM to Singapore's mechanics because obviously you can't rely on anybody to help you in this world. Instead of going across borders for a bike repair, I guess Ubi's alright and since mummy just said to go for repairs first, don't worry about the money, there's always big daddy cool.

After so long of not heading to town, I went there alone, and you should have seen what I wore man! Haha! Orchard's have changed alot and Ion is coming! Ion!

Hey Kids!

2009-05-20T21:55:00.002+08:00

In the midst of stress and happiness, I love having lone time, thinking about my future. I need time to solve the problems that I face. =( The best thing about it, I have no one to talk to, because everyone doesn't seem to understand what I'm facing. Its not that I don't appreciate your concerns. Its me, I can't seem to get what you guys are trying to help me with.

Planets in love.

2009-05-18T22:23:00.002+08:00

You met a girl, a sweet sweet girl. You went out twice with her, you held her hands on the second time you went out with her. I knew, its her and only her but she is not really convince about your love, about words. She kept thinking maybe its your past that triggers those feelings and words. You knew that your past has got nothing to do with your present. Especially when its a dreadful past. You tried your best to be perfect but still you made mistakes, and you could see yourself falling.

She, gave you hope after months of agony and stress. She finally got the hook out of your throat. She just didn't know how much she means to you. You tried to tell, but words aren't strong enough. You tried to write it in a song but its not working either. You are longing to meet her, after so long. You are in love. Something you used to hate to be in, something that used to kill you.

You decide to give it a try after how many times falling hard. You and her are like planets in love. So near yet so far. So similar yet so different. So common yet so unique. You are in love.

Tell me about it.

2009-05-17T22:22:00.002+08:00

Once had your hair cropped, put on your boots, yellow laces, thin braces and everything that represents you and only you. Ben Sherman neatly tucked in, but never did I care when it was all messy at the end of the day. I know, I had my mates by my side almost everywhere I went, I held my pride in my heart not on the shoulders of my friends. I had the name FORUM BOOTBOYS engraved on the chest of my tee. I had it all. Pride and honour. People knew who I am, but they didn't know better than my best mate himself. Someone I had stepped on, yet stands back up just for me, someone who made me feel belonged.

2009. All were seemingly lost for me, I've made a choice, or a mistake to almost forget everything I've laid out for me. I almost lose it all. With my brother saying that he doesn't want any shit to do with the crew anymore. With a cousin inside behind bars. I thought to myself, is it really really worth it. I didn't answer that, I couldn't. Everything seems to have its pros and cons. I love the crew but the blood that's flowing in me, is my brother's blood, his hatred, his anger, his undefined attitude. I tried my best to push it aside. I'm sorry. I've changed. I'm not that Yat people look at and say, he's just another skinhead. I know this ain't the time for self-pride but I hate the fucking fact that we are changing the old ways. The good ol'Forum ways. I'm sorry, maybe I'm a coward backing out from you guys. Maybe I'm too soft or just not 'man' enough like you guys but I'm still a fucking Forum Bootboy and that's that!

Love ya mates and lasses.
Once a bootboy always a bootboy.

Sanday!

2009-05-17T13:53:00.003+08:00

Eh, besok sekolah~
Today was market day with mommy then we talked about bikes, she was really concerned about our TZM afterall.

Mom: Tukar sumer 1st hand punya spare parts, jangan 2nd hand, tak bagus ah.
Me: Banyak duit nak tukar sumer, lebih baik beli motor baru with a wink.
Mom: Kasi betol tu motor kalau tak jual!
Me: AH! taknak jual! *hugs mom*

Mom still insisted to get the repairs done in Spore, but its too fucking expensive and you don't see what they put in or take out from your bike. I prefer M'sia the best, because M'sia is YAMAHA Country HAHA!

HAHAHA! love mom alot =) hahaha!

Today I'm going to accompany my cousin to look for amplifiers and yeah, going to test for him also~ =)

Selambar

2009-05-17T01:19:00.002+08:00

Today, spent the whole fucking day, spraying the helmet, the paintjob wasn't that satisfying but hell, we did it man. We planned to hit the clubs later but the helmet couldn't finish in time so we had to put the idea aside.

The kids said that X-fighter was great, maybe it was for them, or for me, but I think I had better things to do. Thus, I've come up with some plans for me and Dear to look forward to but haven't told her yet, surprise! =)

Time is so so fast these days and its just not helping with school all day~ Darn!

Buzzzzung!

2009-05-16T10:58:00.002+08:00

Okay, school school has taken up my time, more than ever but it was great ah, great classmates and all. I missed my best mates alot. Today might be coming down to Forum after such a long time not going there. Sometimes in life, you just have to put aside the things that you once hold so dearly and just focus on other things first.

My days are confused and caught up with questions that I can't find my answers to. We have a gig coming up and we don't even know whether we are playing for it, seems that we don't care anymore for the band, seems like its dying, no offence, a break yes, but its too long brothers.

Confused and dumb

2009-05-11T19:47:00.002+08:00

What's this, a fairytale?
Life's been out of this world lately! Speed was confession lately.
I'm trying my best to tell people what I feel but I'm too confused with whatever they maybe pointing out to me~
I guess I'll fuck it and just really really go with the flow~

Mac is Back!

2009-05-11T19:39:00.003+08:00

Alot happened since the day I sent Mac in for repairs.
Friday went out to meet friends at memo! Yes CITYHALL can you believe that?
Then Saturday spent almost the whole day in M'sia, first time riding on M'sian road! =)
Got my bike serviced and 140! 140! haha! Then when I got back, there was a tiny whinny accident! =(
Then I was okay! =)
Sunday was spent with friends and family equally! =)
I think I told you guys that everyday was mother's day to me! =)
I love my mum. =)

I don't believe.

2009-05-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

I mean, why me?
Why did today turned out so wrong!
First it was the bike.(again)
Then I lost my mood to jam.
Then I just realised that I only ate once today.
Come on, why me? I believed in karma, what you give is what you get.
I can't recalled doing bad things to people did I?
I don't really understand this, and the worst thing is that, no one really knows that I had this all along, because I didn't tell, because no on would ever fucking care~
Those who tried to care, I thank you, but its not helping, I need to find another solution and obviously a girlfriend is not one, nor isit a ride on the road.

Tried to stay awake and remember my name~

2009-05-03T13:38:00.003+08:00

Yat Delirium nak masok Singapore Idol boleh tak?
HAHA!

So ya! Woke up early today to go buy lunch then went to Pasir Ris to get my chainguard fixed and sooon its the spocket and the suspension and vualah! =)

Weekend; considered gone!

2009-05-03T01:05:00.002+08:00

Damn, two days of non-stop malay music and nasi briyani! haha! I guess it was all worth it for the pay ah~

Ouh ya! The bike seems all managed and done with, except for some minor parts, and ya! The terrible noise when it reaches 120. Its really not pleasant when you are riding a noisy bike at 120. =(

Then again, I need to get alot things done with school~ We already had projects coming in!

Pegang kuat kuat pon tak guna~

2009-04-27T19:38:00.002+08:00

What really scares me the most on the road is the bike itself, its like, it has a mind of its own and then when you kind wanna control it, you'll lose it! HAHA! however thats what I already solve now, and I literally talk to the bike when I'm on it, not crazy but for self-conscious sake. Another thing is pillion riders, they are my fear of all fear on the road. I don't mind if they are my mates, who are boys. I'm just afraid for the girls. I mean, I had a friend of mine who took a ride with me and she was literally sliding backwards and that scared the hell out of me.

So I guess, I'll give girl-pillions a pass for the moment~ I still need more confidence! =)

A cunt!

2009-04-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

Fucking Rudeboy:"Bang ni reggae, kene relax~"
Me:"Kau pikir aku tak tau reggae pe?!"
Fucking Rudeboy:"Relax, tkya mosh ah~"
Me:"Ni kau panggil mosh(Jumps around)?!"

You see, how dumb these newbies are. I mean I was enjoying some Reggae man~ I was jumping around now moshing, so this fucking cunt just thought that he knows all the stuffs. I told him off like all cunts should be, don't even for one second that when I wear what I wear, I'm not what I was, NEVER.

So ya! Today I was totally pissed off, not only that I had only 1 packet of nasi lemak for the whole day. The gig was really really boring. And Fat Bitch, please, get out of my fucking, I'm already pissed off with people relating me with you, because for fucksake, you spoil the fucking scene, got take some drugs, burn those fats, then come back, please. Ya, I just can't be bothered really with some people, I mean, everything has its limits, EVERYTHING.

SO WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY'S ON MY GRILL?!

Friends afterall.

2009-04-23T23:03:00.002+08:00

Today was really great, spent the whole day with new classmates, and felt so bonded, but not as bonded as the ITE mates but I'm sure it will be, because 3 more years to go! =)

Studies seem to be abit rough though, need to open my eyes and peel my ears for all the lectures now. I miss Fara, truly. =) C'mon don't give me that look guys.

Ouh ya, check out the new song! My dad told me to listen to it and I was hook! HAHA!

There's a calm before the storm.

2009-04-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

Its really tiring, school and life. Its all changing and I can't help it. This is for mum and dad sweating themselves to raise me up and get me where they want me to be, I don't owe anyone more than them. So I guess, I'll give it one more try, 3 more years and its done, for mum and dad this one. Love you both.

Yes! Yat dah ade motor, so Yat keluar ah, ngn chicks ngn members, sorang2. ITU YAT PUNYA PASAL!

HairKut!

2009-04-21T22:36:00.002+08:00

I cut my hair after like how long I let it grow and its short for some people, its funny too. I don't know, I think its just okay! It will grow, I mean, if it is so so awful then its your opinion, and your opinion stays as your opinion, and I rarely take people's opinion seriously. Ouh ya, I'm planning to go at it again for Delirium. Its been so quiet since I don't know when. =(

Ouh ya! School was okay! I got Windows XP in my MacBook already! I pestering Dad to get me and external Hard-disk drive, maybe split 50-50, come on daddy~
haha! I need movies and music! YAY!

Shitwreck

2009-04-20T19:39:00.003+08:00

First day ended all sweaty and all tired. I just realised that I was the only ITE graduate in my class, for all I know. Oh well, thats not hindrance. Its something to be proud about I guess. So ya, I was late for all the lessons, reasons were, got lost and I found I didn't have half the things my classmates have in their my MacBook. I guess I'm really a black sheep. Ouh well! I'll manage!

First Day of fucking school!~

2009-04-20T08:18:00.003+08:00

Okay here I am, 8 am in school doing nothing but sit around! Looking at people getting lost and also getting lost at the same time. OMG! I can't even log in to my MSN. Whatever it is, at least I've got my macbook to accompany me. I'm going to get breakfast soon and then collect the S&W tshirt and then wait for class to start and then make new friends but for now! I need to explore the school! =)

Things are different.

2009-04-19T01:40:00.002+08:00

I know, today was really really not that good, it was hot, the bike was down. I went to Forum with mates, but I don't really feel any good vibe in the air, is there something wrong? I donno

Maybe its me, okay I admit, I've changed, I'm not much of the guy I was. I changed my perspective in life since I realised how important it is to prepare for the future, but whatever it is, you guys are still one of my priorities. I love the crew, I do. I love the sense of belonging that we share that NO OTHER CREW can have. Seriously, we are family yes but I can't stick with you guys all the way. I'm so sorry.

Forum Bootboy till the day I die.

Its a new beginning again~

2009-04-18T00:39:00.002+08:00

Tell me, how many times you guys see/hear me say that.
Its a new beginning again, that freshie feeling! That new kid in school feeling, here I am, almost 19 and into poly and yes, dreams come true afterall. Besides dreams of getting someone. So ya, school again, this time no uniform! Okay Beel? haha! The new MacBook is really getting easier to use, but I've yet to master it and get used to everything. Oh ya, it has a webcam but the Messenger doesnt have a webcam convo tool! siak ah!

So ya! Poly eh at last, 3 more years to smash through, I'm proud to say that ITE was really really worth it! YES! I need to find a part time job soon, getting to feel the pinch of not getting enough money for stuffs. The bike is really not my priority actually, I need a job but no delivery jobs, I can't make it on road ah. And I hate stairs and lifts. Ok.

From me to you!

2009-04-15T11:39:00.002+08:00

Last Saturday wasn't really favourable to me. I came to enjoy a fucking ska and hardcore band and kids have to spoil it! Come on, the ska slot, I didn't see any fucking kids, fucking the gig up! and then all of the sudden people are looking for fights and everything, Fuck You! Seriously, if there's anything you wanna settle or start, not in the gig, where people are enjoying and all. For fuck sake the fat bitch please get away from, I hate you fucking standing behind of me, come on, FIRST I MAY BE UGLY, but I'm not into you or am I turned on by you, FUCK NO! IF you think that you getting close to me in the pit really make any sense, so I give you what hardore is, you deserved it, YOU guys don't know what hardcore means, you guys are cunts! You guys can just stick to your ska and skanking to your expense. I wanna enjoy hardcore music and you guys are just squeezing our way, and when we fucking hit you, you guys can't take no shit. YOU SEE, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST YOU GUYS, BUT YOU GUYS ARE SPOILING OUR SCENE. YES, IF YOU GUYS THINK FORUM IS BACKING THE HARDCORE KIDS UP, ITS FUCKING TRUE, I GET THEIR SCENE, ITS WAY FUCKING BETTER THEN THE SCENE DOWN WHERE YOU GUYS ARE, seriously. If you wanna be gangsters, be gangsters, don't get caught up with the scnene, honestly I say, the scene is underground is dying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry people like the kids that I have respect for, its nothing personal, I just hate the scene now. Forum Bootboys really are independant, we don't need Kids from the other side of time to live! We don't need unity, but friendship of respect is what I live for.

I'm not crazy.

2009-04-13T11:08:00.002+08:00

Woah, dusty dusty blog. Its been so so long sey. Okay! Lets start with life!

Poly here I come, 2 years of uniform-ing really got me good! HAHA! ITE was really an experience, all the friends and companies and teachers, all good. Poly freshie and yes, I'm so going to be lost in that school, but maybe for the first week or two. I have to get my mac soon and get ready for school and ya! I did a little shopping the other day with Zuhair.

Okay! Bike. I don't really have a life here, but it really cuts my time going place and all, but the problems are never-ending, yup! TZM is a sick bike, you gotta have money to keep it up to standard.

Love. I am really missing her, really. I don't know, maybe its the fact that we haven't met each other for so long and we didn't communicate much through phone. She's nice to be with, seriously, but we are in two different world, Oh God.

This just a quick update rite, nothing much to write actually.

TEE ZACK EMM!

2009-04-05T10:09:00.002+08:00

Okay! My absence doesn't really mean I'm gone for a long time now! I'm just busy, with TP and all the motorbike stuff to settle~ And yes! Two my dreams went true this week! First I passed my TP and I also got in NP for the Audio Visual Tech course! YAY! =) Thank God, all the praying and hoping payed off, truly it did.

So! Yeah! Went to town and kinda got lost! Luckily nabeel was there to get the directions rite. HAHA! The bike scared the hell out of us with all the roaring, so I'm just admitting that I'm still a noob in this stuffs! HAHAHAHAHA!

SENTOASA- ISLAND LIFE!

2009-03-30T13:11:00.002+08:00

Yesterday I spent the whole day with kampong mates, at Sentosa, we met up at 9 in the morning because brother woke up late. Then we did some last minute planning and off we went! 3 cars! Around 15 people! Then we reached there and didnt waste much time settling down. Football was our first run. Then we had alot of fun watching chicks tooo~ Then it was time to head into the water! It was high tide and the current was strong. We swam more than we covered in distance. It was tiring, then we went to walked to the otherside of Pahlawan Beach to watch chicks! HAHA! They were a handful of models too~ Then we played football again and swam again and football again and swam again for like I don't know how many times. Then, it rained! So we waited for the rain to stop and then we swam again for the last time. Before changing and packing to head home. Short story but it was a long day. =O)

It was nice!

2009-03-25T11:26:00.002+08:00

So I slept late but woke up early! HAHA!
I'm normal to 7 hours of sleep! I can't sleep any longer, unless I'm really realy lazy. So ya, I slept at 3 last morning, chatting with a friend of mine, shared really really sad stories, and ya! The friend was great, we ended up all teary, HAHA! DARN! MEMORIES. Then I just realised that, never look at someone from the outside because its really really not the same as what they are inside, trust me! =)

So little time~

2009-03-23T12:13:00.002+08:00

Give me an image of the beautiful life that you have been looking forward to since you were a kid. Tell me a wonderful story about your future life.

I'll tell you, not all lives turned out as they are imagined or planned. Not all wonderful story have a happy ending. My My. What have happened to LIFE?

Tell me one thing, is it the fact that I'm just a loner, a different person than anyone of you, to make me feel left out. Tell me, is it because I'm not rich, that's why I can't hang around with you and your mates. Tell me, is it because I'm just another ugly person in the middle of nowhere, trying my best to be somebody but nobody's looking.

I'm pretty bored rotting at home and doing nothing much! REALLY? I wished I had a companion.

This is what you'll get.

2009-03-22T19:29:00.002+08:00

I can't be bothered anymore, seriously! For a minute there, I lost myself.
I'm deep undersurf, someone, pull me quick, don't let me drown.

To the extend of vanity, I really can't be bothered to go have my evening runs anymore, I can't be bothered of getting fatter, because I don't see the reasons to make a change, when you are just a step behind everybody else in EVERYTHING.
Maybe a hand shake with carbon monoxide will do it? hahaha. I look so tired even when I'm happy. I don't need all this crap do I, all this wondering whats going to happen next. I'm need to rest, rest in peace. =)

Hope and Victory!

2009-03-21T20:14:00.002+08:00

Its worth fighting for victory.

So today was really really busy and dirty, washing dishes and talking trash with them mates. It was Zuhair's sister's wedding and he needed a short help from us before the real kendarat comes. So as we were much help, we were much mess too. =) Ended the day with more trash-talking. I was having thoughts to town tonight, but kinda got lazy. I mean, just sit there and talk trash again. Malas deh!

So I ended up going online and talking to Tini! =) Bored lah!

In the lonely days, who do you look for? Who do you make an effort to meet up and talk to, when its all over and done with. =)

Keep it to your land.

2009-03-18T14:29:00.002+08:00

Wherever you go, whatever you do!
You can't seem to know, you can't seem to be true.
You shout, but you are not loud
You say you are not out, but you are not proud

You tell me, we can make it together
You told me to keep faith and watch each other
You make us look like a bunch of crap
And God, I didn't fucking know it was a trap

But you! You bailed! You fell!
You bite the dust, you lost your trust.
You get yourself some pussy.
You end up being cunt. You are forever a cunt!

You made the world look small
With your talks, you are tall
You made people believe your lies
because they think that you had live the LIFE

Why the fuck you hypocrite
What the fuck you hypocrite
How the fuck you hypocrite
When the fuck you hypocrite

I'm dissapointed!
I'm not mad, I'm just curious and furious

Fall back!

2009-03-18T00:36:00.002+08:00

There you go, 3 months into this fucken year, and I'm off into that give-a-fuck-or-not mood again. AGAIN! Pathetically yes!

So yes, I was there, hoping this year was the BEST year of my life, but no! SOMEONE had to fuck it around, real bad, and now, I'm feeling all FUCKED UP! OH GEE! THANKS ALOT! Come on face the fact, that even if you are that DAMN good! Why show off? I MEAN! If you are even more musically talented than me, then, I'll give this a pass, but not now. You can't even fucking play a note, or sing a phrase! I mean, come on, you are walking around, carrying the 'pride' if you like to call it so much, showing people that we can do it better, there's no use! Really, people should know the history and roots of this country's sub-culture, if they don't, why educate them, just let them be posers!

I'm not really really, NOT in the mood to entertain crap from you. You are just another person, who's just passing around, goofing off with your selfishness and I-am-the-best-of-the-best attitude! I GIVE NO FUCKING CREDIT TO THAT!
HAHA! Lets face it, every single one of you must be thinking who the fuck I'm talking about, it is for someone but its for almost everybody, ALMOST! Do your thinking, put your assumptions aside, please, don't be childish. I'm just mad at you, you and you, and you too! Ouh there you too!

I'm just too afraid to type out names, because, I know this is my blog, but obviously everybody moronic fella, is going to pass by and the story, I swear, the story will change! So yeah, I'll play fucking safe, because, its those who ate the chilli who will taste its spiciness! Damn, straight from the malay textbook!

You see, enough about me, ouh wait, there wasn't even about me in the first place, it was about the people, the crew, the kids, the crowd, the mates, the chicks, the gfs, the bfs and all the other motherfuckers! There you see, when I expressed this, people will think, Yat is crazy, no I'm not! I'm just not in the right state of mind, to think about stuffs like this, they make me go ARGH!!

Then when I sit down and think about this ALONE! I'll come out with the answer myself, just like the day I got PRETT! Just like that, I took the same route and think again what was my mistake and I found it! OKAY! Then there was her her her and her, and there were they and them and us and her, and him and me and you! You see! This thing won't end!

And Farhana just showed me something, "we got to make our own happy ending!" Isn't that nice to hear for once. To come to think about it, happy endings is what people want for themselves, but when they get it for themselves, maybe its not so happy ending for the others, you see? THAT IS SO TRUE!

So I guess, I'll keep on blogging, you guys keep on reading, and IF you really really notice, my life is dead boring! That's why I don't really post about my everyday happenings except for.......
=)

And ya! FUCK YOU AGAIN! HAPPY DAYS!

For the pussy and the dollars.

2009-03-17T19:47:00.002+08:00

I don't really really see that path that I've made of this life. I mean, to continue with it, I'm done with tunes, just wanting the band to be free. Well, the more I talk, the more I'll get mad, for what, I'll wait.

So lets talk about happiness. I've found it here, in the vicinity of my home and hood. Fuck the kids uptown! Seriously, I don't need them, I'm sure, they waste my time, they waste my fucking money, what for? You see, you hold on to your pride all you want, I'm keeping mine, I'm not showing off, I'm not telling people where I stand, what I fight for and what I believe in. My boots are still laced in yellow, what more you want for me? I keep my hair because I don't believe in shaving it anymore! Shaving your head, and putting on your boots, thats what makes you think that you are a skinhead, how about the life? You have it? If you do, I'll have to give to you mate, you're brilliant, but no.

Takde guna kalau kau shave rambut kau, pakai boot, abeh panggil diri kau skinhead, when all this while, you are going to draw the line but nothing happens. I don't get you. Nope. Million times, I don't really get your agenda.

So FUCK YOU!
you know who you are. Don't come asking me, who it is! They know who they are.
Like you always say, Keep the Faith, let me ask you mate, whats your faith?

King me.

2009-03-14T18:24:00.002+08:00

Today was really really boring~
Yesterday was too. I mean, going out to town and just sat at Forum for like a few hours with mates, nothing much to talk about, I was not in my mood to do so. I wondered who was watching me. Then I had to leave early because I needed some lone time.
Yes, I'm getting fatter, because I eat when I'm upset, is that wrong? Of course it is! I need to be happy, but with what? I don't know!

I just realised that school is really really out! HAHA! Then I had to find work, but what job?
Damn!

Bring me to your heart.

2009-03-13T00:32:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the last day in school! Fucking yes! I dunno I feel bored when there's no school you know, no JATOH BOI, not much laughs and everything.

Yesterday I met someone too and we spent the whole sweet day walking around town. She's really really nice to be with, =)

And yesterday was supposed to be Wednesday! HAHA

Thursday was spent with them kampong mates with RISK!

EXAMS OVER~~ NOT!

2009-03-10T13:40:00.002+08:00

Okay today was CPS paper, gone and not gonna remember anything!
Ah yes, had mcdonalds today with them classmates.
Then, went to sent my fucking Sony Ericsson phone to its shithole in Simei to get it repaired! Damn the phone, I'm not gonna have a Sony Ericsson for a phone again. Maybe gonna change to Nokia, hmm. Soon! haha! okayokay!

WAWAWOOO!

2009-03-09T11:06:00.002+08:00

okay! Quick one quick one!
Friday I went karaoke with them mates, then I lost my wallet, FUCK UP!
Saturday was out at the wedding for 8 fucking hours! And somebody return all the stuffs in my wallet and put it at my front door, but no wallet, so ya.
Sunday went out to find magazine for Ais, and ya! FOUND IT!
YAWN!

=)

2009-03-04T17:03:00.000+08:00

May God bless your soul, I'm sorry.

Sweet day~

2009-03-04T12:28:00.002+08:00

Went to meet someone yesterday~
Then it came to me for once again. That feeling again.
Went to watch Marley and Me and it was really really great.
Sad ending though, very sad ending.
And we had lunch.
then went almost all around town just get them adidas shoes.
Then we headed home. Such a subtle day~ =)

Fry-day, Setan-day, Sun(dal)-day

2009-03-02T17:55:00.002+08:00

Everything happened at night! HAHA!

Friday was a night out with bro and kampong mates to Henderson Waves, as usual, bought some makan and off we went, then came back at 6 in the morning *by then it was Saturday already* then slept and woke up at 7 to get ready for prac, and then LUCKILY I passed! TP's in a months time.

Saturday afternoon, went to get project stuffs. Home again! Washed car with bro, then had a 2 hour nap, NAP okay, not sleep! HAHA! Then it was time for SHINE! Which turned out to be a disaster, there was a heavy rain and the gig had to be cancelled! DAMN! Then went to mate's chalet party! Ate alot of steaks though. Didn't sleep till 5 and went home! This time HAD GREAT GREAT SLEEP!

UNTIL....

SUNDAY!
6 hours of project time, 2 hours of rest time, 1 hour of pool with mates and home again! SLEEP AGAIN!
hahah

today monday boring!

Fuck Anti-Religion~

2009-02-27T11:22:00.002+08:00

Why the hell are you anti-religion, I don't fucking know. What is wrong being in a religion? Is it a wall stopping you from socialising or isit a trap to stop people from drifting too far in life. I don't understand songs of anti-religion lyrics. Like seriously.

There was once a guy who told me, there's this band, they all fucking anti-christ and shit. And their songs are all very brutal and scorning religion, but actually behind the scenes they are really christians, why the fuck? HAHA! that's funny. To me, they are fucking posers, seriously, you guys need to wake up and go back to day when you were born.

Yes I'm talking about BLACK METAL or whatever those shit is, sorry, I don't believe in your way of life, your way of expressing things, because the way you are expressing your hate for religion with your lyrics of wanting to kill a religion is nothing but just poser shit. Because the only thing thats burning in hell is you guys.

Just a head up. Stop fucking about with this stupid scene, its just music, it ain't a way of life.

Be someone to me, please

2009-02-27T00:01:00.002+08:00

Hope is again haunting me. Sounds wrong but yes it is. Every single time I'm going to sleep it will snap into my mind like a waves, washing away all the bad thoughts, but then again, I will never ignore bad thoughts, because they help to really see the future. I ignored them once and see what happened. hmph.

So God have showed my the light for once. thank you.

The project was not done properly and I'm dead pissed at it! =(
hmmmph!

I'll be waiting!

2009-02-26T19:09:00.002+08:00

4 months was really really long you know~
But I'll still wait for you man~
I kept remembering the day we first got on stage and you were moshing with so much pride. I'm missing you, although we didn't talked much when we meet the other time but you, someone I held up so high.
When you get out, I'll sing a song! We'll unite as Forum Bootboys again and if you were to be a junkie again, I'll fucking beat you up, I swear. I'll wait for you cousin.

Someone

2009-02-23T23:28:00.003+08:00

My brother told me, "just because of one stupid bitch doesn't mean you are a goner, there many other stupid bitches out there." and I said, "I'm not looking for stupid bitches, I'm looking for a girl." and he fucking laughed.

I managed to release my tension to and fro TP. Damn, I feel my legs are coming off soon. Then I managed to just go on, LIKE I USED TO FOR SO LONG.

Notice the song, its for you. You are.

Remember the day, the talk, the walk, and the fireworks.

2009-02-23T09:39:00.002+08:00

My weekends was kinda boring I guess.
Friday: Went jogging and football with mates. Then it was home.

Saturday: Went to cityhall to get glares of disgrace. Damn stupid town kids. Walk too much and yeah was tired but no! Went to meet brother and the rest to wash the car and as usually have the saturday night/sunday morning slack time. Watch Shootaz in the car and it was Sunday morning.

Sunday: Had only 4 hours of sleep. Yes. Was woken up by Sharul. Then got ready to the gig. I was performing with some of the friends and Sharul. It went okay, I mean it was irritating. When you have a vocalist who can't sing and a guitarist who can't play. nope, I'm not dissing, its the fact. However when I tried to cover up for him like, singing and yet playing the drum at the same time, he kinda got pissed. So what?

What should I say?

2009-02-20T19:13:00.002+08:00

I've been like all around town lately.
Being lost but not found maybe.
Since days are gone and months are too.
I'll pray to God that I'll see you.

Damn, pretty bored. I download a trial version of Virtual DJ and been like trying to figure out how to get a good mix you know. So yeah. I've lost my appetite lately because I was saving money but everytime I got home, my wallet's all empty you know. I now defeat my hunger with home foood, because its FREE!
I've been wantin to change my guitar strings, but that's me, even before the current ones are still okay, I feel like I should change them. Maybe soon.
My plans for tonight was to head town and get someone to come along with me, but obviously, people are busy with exams and also work and not to forget with their loved ones. So I'm planning to head town tomorrow because that's the only place I can find peace in myself, just like how Tini did at the river. I prefer people with places but not as much people as Tekka. So yeah, head town and get a drink, a halal one of course because I've stopped drinking totally. Come to think of it, YES! I'm straight-edge for once but I still don't fulfil some of the criteria. So yeah. Going to jog my ass off tonight and football tooo.

Hear me out, for once...

2009-02-20T01:02:00.002+08:00

I miss all those dearly friends I had. Everybody~ =)

Put me in the mood~

2009-02-20T00:02:00.002+08:00

Up down touch the ground!
=)
Damn, i'm bored!! Today finished school and went to friend's house and thats it, fullstop. Happy Happy times!

So then, I'm home, the day seems short, but actually its long and sweaty! okay!
=)
nothing much to post now actually! Only that, I'm here for any listening ear as usual=)

Major Aches!

2009-02-18T00:30:00.003+08:00

Headache!
Muscle aches!
Brain ache?
Heartache!

Ouch ouch! Began the day with failure of prac 8 for the fucking 3rd time! Then it was prac test at school! Nailed it, I guess. Then it was home again. Then for a short while, slack with mates at kampong. Then went jogging after so many donkey years of not doing so. The haze was not helping! Then went to slack again, and home home home! There's a test later at school and guess what? I'M NOT PREPARED! Damn! For once!

Ending on a good note. Thanks Farhana and Tini for words of wisdom or simply just for waking me up. I'll try to make it up to you girls alright! Now! I need to MUG!

Yeah, I'm a goner.

2009-02-17T00:17:00.002+08:00

Tell me something new.
When people don't mention your name, maybe they just forget you and the times you had. Maybe they don't fucking care about you anymore do they. Could it be that it was all so clear from the beginning? Sometimes I really wish I was loner, a bummer to say the least. Forget what had happened and looked forward to a brighter day, which eventually will rot like all the other days. I'm back to the fuck-the-world-and-the-people-in-it attitude. Since being myself is not really helping is it? Darn, people just don't know how to appreciate. I'm hurt, truly I am. Fuck, I'm a skinhead or whatever you call me. I'm human man. Just human. I have a heart. I'm pouring everything out but I bet no one really gives a fuck, until the day I go seven feet under, God knows, who will still pray for me, cry for me or even be there at my wake.
Tell me something new, please.

Friends, what will the world be without them. Good or bad. I can't be bothered anymore. I'm sorry. I just had enough of the ouh-yat-doesn't-need-much-attention attitude. Yes, you guys will disagree, but you know, sometimes you guys may have that short term memory that needs some help with. Yes, I'm attention seeking, yes in my blog I am but not outside, because I know, people won't have the time to even care. Its not the same anymore. Never will it be.

Negativity is here and is here to stay. Without a doubt it is casting a shadow in my life. A shadow that shades out all the positivity and happiness that I USED to have. The smile that I don't mind showing. Damn the world.
Sorry friends but I'm not used to be who I used to be.

don't tag if you don't know what to say.
don't assume if you don't know anything.
don't think that you aren't the one referred to above.

After tonight

2009-02-16T00:36:00.002+08:00

After tonight, I know where I stand, who I am truly, who my true friends are, who are the ones who really cared, why I ever put myself in this way of life, why I tried my best to even be half the person I was.

People just kinda forget the good times I guess. Maybe its a change we all have to face. I mean, who really cares about Yat anyways. I mean seriously, a boy, half of the person that he used to be, constantly hated, always talked about and doesn't give a fuck about strangers.

Tonight, marks it all. I know a reason, a reason for each reason tht people have, to hate me, to push me aside and to forget me for who I am.

I'm done.

The current never move along with the waves

2009-02-15T01:40:00.002+08:00

Okay! Really random title!
Yesterday went fishing again! No fish again!
In fact, there wasn't even wind! Hmmm! Not our luck!
Well, I think I'm all prepare babe, despite the injury.

Its not like everybody did care.

2009-02-12T01:09:00.002+08:00

I kinda neglected myself for the past two or three months. I've stopped jogging because of lack of motivation and everything that happened prior to 2009. I miss alot of people. Too much to think that I've lost all my friends. I think 2009 was actually nothing different than 2008 and the year before.

Its not the same people just the same words and laughters and joy and lies and anger. I know I know, I'm winding too much but this is what that has been going on and on in my mind. To tell the truth, about my real life, no a single soul knows about it. To tell the truth, I can't trust half the person I trusted before. To tell the truth, I'm living behind this mask of confusion on who I am really about.

Its not about the crew, the mates or the chicks. Its about me? What's going to happen 2 or 3 years down the road. I don't know, GOD knows. I wanna go out alone, but people tell me, you gotta watch your back, you gotta keep your eyes peeled. I know you are concerned about me but to me life can end anywhere. Even when I'm standing here alone. I know mates can have my back, but when I'm alone. I'm not really alone. God is there. The two angels are there.

I really need someone to wake me up. To get me going on. To make me realise that I'm not going to be alone all the time. Please~

Monday and Tuesday!

2009-02-11T11:39:00.004+08:00

This is what happened!
Monday night went fishing! Because coincidentally everybody did not have school/work the next day. We didn't catch much, but the wind was great!
Then tuesday spent the whole day with bro and dad, tinting the car windows, servicing the car and changed the rims! =) Then went to meet Nabeel down at Far East to get a new belt to replace my old one!
Yeah!
Wednesday is school day!

The road is rough.

2009-02-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

Yesterday spent the whole night with bro and mates. We wash my family car and then we had supper by Safra Tanah Merah. Then slacked until 5.30 am. We got home at 6 and I was snoring away in the car. Yes! Tired! I went to bed immediately, only to wake up at 12,! less than 6 hours of sleeping! Then mom came home with lunch! Then it was off to the track. There's competition today, and obviously I didn't win! haha!

Now, I'm sleepy again! Need to apply for DMAT tmr!
YEAH!

God God!

2009-02-07T00:59:00.002+08:00

I know I know, it seems as if I only find God only when I feel down or confused or wrong.
No!
Today God, I realised there are still people in my life that I can still treasure. Thank God, I also realised that I'm not like some no-life scums out there.
Thank God, I didn't took drugs and became a junkie.
Thank God, I'd STOPPED DRINKING!! YES!! STOP!!
Thank God, for all the littlest things in life, be it the punches or the hugs or the jokes or the cries, or the laughs or the friends that have gone their way, or the friends that are still here. I thank you God and Friends =)

6 Feb

2009-02-06T23:59:00.002+08:00

Today I woke up pretty early even though there was no school. I didn't had breakfast! Then I had shower and got ready to meet dear friend Tini. I was late because I thought she would be late(she told me) so I thought I'd go out late too, then we can reach at the same time, but NO! I was late. Okay! We went to KFC after what it seems like a long time I have been there. Zinger never tasted so nice before because it was FREE! Yes, we argued about who was to pay, and if one of us didn't took that money, we won't stop arguing. So ya! Thanks Tini! We talked more than we ate.

Then we decided to give Nabeel a call, and met up at the block nearby. Then it was time for me to go. So Tini tag along because she was going to meet another friend of hers. I passed her presents to her. Sorry it wasnt anything much. =)

Then it was me and Mr Bike! All the way up till 6! Then met up them mates to have a little chat about Tomorrow!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN TINI!

Pride and Stupidity

2009-02-06T01:20:00.003+08:00

There's a thin line in between these two. Yes I see you guys are proud of where you come from. However dissing others isn't the way to prove the point. If you really hate a crowd, tell them to the face. Why through a blog or any source of internet. That's what cunts do! Yes, I'm talking about kids who blog about us, Forum Bootboys, Bad move! seriously. Just because you don't fucking dare to talk to us to our faces, doesn't mean you can do it through the net because we don't fucking like it, who does? Do you? Do you like it when I tell you that the people you are running with a scums? No rite? So why the dissing! Fine! You can cut all the gigs from us, you can cut it all! You see, pride can make people do stupid things!

We, the new generation of Forum Bootboys aren't dumb nor are we naive. You can push us around but guess, they did, I stood right back up because I don't believe in staying down for too long! _|_ _|_

Wah dah eighteen!!!

2009-02-06T00:17:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday to Dear Friend Nurfatini Binte HER DAD! Getting a birthday cake at midnight is so coool! =) Yes, all the memories! Its a HAPPY BIRTHDAY afterall rite?!

God God

2009-02-05T23:39:00.002+08:00

I feel so guilt ridden. I really do. Only Wani know's why. =(
I wish I was rich for once. Omg! I starved myself at school from monday to have money well I guess I'm not good enough, no wonder I don't have a girlfriend, I can't even tend to myself! =(

why?

2009-02-03T01:42:00.002+08:00

People don't appreciate us like we appreciate them, so why should we appreciate them like the way we want them to appreciate us? Yes, push me aside because I know where I stand, where I can make my own move in life, where my decisions are only for me and only me. Yes my friends, selfishness, now they don't think about that when they push us aside. They don't stop and think, "hey, I need them." Then comes the time when they need a shoulder, or a helping hand, or a listening ear, THEN they will come to you, plead their misery as though we can make it go away, and when we said "No" they go on blabbering about their sacrifice for us. SACRIFICE? more like SELFFISHNESS to me. I mean, yes I know you have us in your best interest, and I know people are somehow busy with stuffs of their own. Hey, time is not that hard to be spent with a "Hello" or maybe a day out to the nearest fast-food place. I mean, yes, old friends new friends, they are everywhere. So why the hell are they still loners?
Omg!
I'm going on and on because I've nothing to talk about but loneliness. =( yeah, go on.

Who am I, when its you who I'm looking for.

2009-02-03T00:50:00.002+08:00

Days are getting weird each time it passes me. Firstly I feel lazier and lazier to get up from school. Then, I feel all so good about my all kembang hair. Weird kan? I should be bald by now! HAHA! I need a haircut, but how?
Okay! 15th Feb is the date to wait for! and also 22nd! for somebody *ehem ehem*

OKAYOKAY! I'm tired! so lets go!

What's wrong now?

2009-01-31T17:48:00.002+08:00

Now I know why I missed you.
Because with you by my side, I could be myself and let my problems go, just like the first time we met. Seeing you yesterday really lit up some good memories and yes. I know its not the same anymore, it can never be, will it? However I am still just as happy to see you and your smile at gigs. Hmm. Maybe that's that huh? I still have your favourite song stuck in my head, and never going out. I'm still just as happy as I was to see you all happy and moving on in life, and yes, I'm moving on. This is just a little remembrance for you, dear friend. 6 more days and you're 18 =)

You crossed the line.

2009-01-31T17:09:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the first gig of the year, the first fight of the year too. People who can't take shit in the moshpit.Cunts! We will get you someday okay, don't worry.

Hot hot day!

2009-01-28T02:22:00.003+08:00

Today was a family day by the beach! Spent 2 hours in the water, it felt great, got sunburned! haha! After that, we went cycling from Changi Beach to EAST COAST BEACH! Long way eh! Now, I'm entertaining myself with wrestling vids! Today was really really great, surprisingly I don't feel that tired! Okay!
I'm out of words now! haha!

Welcome to my paradise!

2009-01-26T10:43:00.002+08:00

"The more you care for her, the more she wants to forget you"

=D

2 days of carrying stuffs! I helped my uncle move house and yes, I didn't enjoyed it, but hey, I need to do something you know! Saturday went to meet them mates and yes! Everyone was all happy I guess. Can't wait for this Friday's gig! =D Then after that, brother and friends picked me up and we went to have supper, which was more like dinner+tmr's breakfast! okay! Then sunday was another day of moving stuffs only that we didn't move as much, did alot of unpacking! okay enough of that!
Today is really really boring I know!
okay maybe it will rise up this afternoon!

Why did it even start?

2009-01-22T18:58:00.003+08:00

Today was really funny day with them classmates! =)
I'm too lazy to type down what happened.

2 days straight without going online! I can't be bothered you know! Its seems like there's not much people to talk to online. If there is, there wouldn't much things to talk about. Even friendster, tagged and facebook is getting bored. So yes! What have I been doing all this while? I went out! Alone, at least I don't have a bitch girlfriend okay? OKAY? Seriously, thank god!
Tonight, I'm meeting up with Rul and Faris and a couple of guys to jam on Faris side band, its been awhile since I played the drums! HAHA! I'll try, besides, its not like they are that good right? =P
The gig's is next week and Delirium is jamming tomorrow and this time! I'm not bringing any girl with me, not this time round. HAHA! Because the last time I did, it ended up in what? DISASTER! So no more of this shit.
Oh ya! Saturday going karaoke with them mates! YEAH!!