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Today was tiring seriously, but would be all worth it I guess. So yesterday didn't went well. It didn't even had any good things to share in this blog. Just a place full of memories. Bad memories of good times and good memories of bad times. I just couldn't think nowadays, I'd jump to my own conclusion and never believe what others would say. Well, I'm strange.
Friday had a good time with them mates and you. That's all I guess.
Today was really really enjoyable. Woke up with a really empty stomach. WAKAU!
Met Nabeelio after maghrib. I'd tried to skate again and again I fail. It seems that in this life, you see alot of failures but I admit that the worst one was what happened recently. So ya! Nabeelio did told me a great phrase to tell myself. It went like this "what do you have that would make her come to you" and it really got me thinking and the answer was nothing. I have nothing to offer. That's why I'm a failure.
STOP! lets put the negative to one side k.
POSITIVE!POSITIVE!
I got my pay! YAY! And I'm planning to get some cheapo skate shoe. Hmmm.
anymore positive things?
AH! I'm trying my best to jot down new materials for new songs. Mostly things that happened recently and even way back then. Soon, but I'm to lazy to do arrangements on the music. So its gonna be me and my guitar. No drums or bass, or strings. NOPE! I can't be bothered!!
:-D
To finish this post, I conclude that I am a self-lying, friend-beating, anti-cunts and faggots kinda guy for this week, next month and time to come!
28.11 saw my change! Time for you people to get ready for it.
Voiced at 11:23 PM on 30 November 2008
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HEYHEY!
today went to play takraw with them classmates. Then I went to Kampong for awhile. Today was full of, I don't know eh. Suspense? Around noon, I had a call from Ria asking me about my highest qualification and current status. Making me more curious, you know. Oh well. TOMORROW is the DAY! After since the last time I had it. Had what? I don't know. Man, blogging is so hard when you just wanna keep them personal stuffs at bay and not to let them be spilled here.
Let's just see what goes on tomorrow. Make it or break it. At least this time, I've got nothing to lose. Yes! Fucking yes! 28.11.2008!!
haha!
okay go!!
Voiced at 11:12 PM on 27 November 2008
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Perangai matrep eh?
HAHA!
so today, someone brought my mood down with a question. I didn't know, so I couldn't avoid. Who cares anyways. So it went like this.
he spoke in malay btw
Guy: Hey yat, *shakes hand* do you know *******?
Me: AH, yes, why?
Guy: Ouh, she's my friend's girlfriend..
Me: Ouh, your friend is ********?
Guy: You know him too?
Me: Ouh, something liddat.
Me: Okaylah, gtg takecare.
Guy: k k, takecare.
For that day, I knew my mood was gone! Seriously, but did forgot about it when I met up with Nabeel and the rest at Kampong. *big sigh* =D
Voiced at 7:42 PM on 26 November 2008
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you guys sure remember the song 'Gone'. Today I found the perfect to re-record it, with a touch of some acoustic and yes, I had Jason Mraz's I'm yours at the back of my mind. However this is my original okay. HAHA! Check it out! 4 more days!!
Voiced at 10:01 PM on 24 November 2008
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I've moved on!
YAY! Yes I took a long time to keep telling myself that there's no use whining and crying over what had happened. I had to lie to myself, mind you. YES! It worked. Sometimes you just gotta lie to yourself once in a while, to make yourself feel good.
Things are getting along well, not awesome, but not bad either. This is what happened when you are really really patient with life. Still, I can't get over the stupidity that hit me, for the past few months. *smacks forehead*
2009 coming soon. You guys ready for the new year? I'm not.
Voiced at 11:45 PM on 23 November 2008
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this was the clip that has my voice in it, its really funny when you hear your own voice on air! haha! BROTHER YAT!
Voiced at 2:18 PM on 22 November 2008
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I was shaking! HAHA! She's a great person!
She doesn't like me saying 'sorry', haha!
Enjoy! kalau tak suka, belah!
EDITTING WORKS
Voiced at 3:05 AM on
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Pics, with Fiza O, Brader Bo, Fiza and KC!
Voiced at 2:45 AM on
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Terakhir sudah pejalanan kami di Akademi Radio!
okay malay is hard.
It was a great journey and I got interviewed by FIZA O! Great person seriously!!
IT was really a great achievement so far for me. I'm proud of myself.
The DJs that guided us was really great. REALLY GREAT. Isadora, AB Sheik, Hassan Salleh, Brader Bo, Fiza O and more. REALLY GREAT. Finally I broke my bad thoughts of radio. SO YA!
done great. moved on. GREAT!
upload video soon and pics!
MEANWHILE I HAVE AN INTERVIEW WITH FIZA O!
SATURDAY 11am and SUNDAY(repeat) 10am
check it out!!
Voiced at 2:25 AM on
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Today was great, the recording of our programme went almost smoothly, seriously I have to admit, I can't work with someone who restrict me of my ideas and mati-mati nak pakai idea dier. Susah ah! Overall, I think I made a great change ah, I was not afraid of being myself in front of people anymore, and its really a great surprise to know that some people share the same interest as I do. There's this lady, she's 22 years old, looks young, sweet. She asked me whether I had a band, so I said, I played punk/oi, and she said she used to listen to those too but GUESS WHAT? She likes M. Nasir too! haha! So we really click, and I found out, she was in ITE Tampines too and went to TP after that, now graduated. HAHA but, I forgot her name, Lydia I think. HAHA! doink!
I miss Tini =D
Voiced at 12:00 AM on 21 November 2008
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Just now while eating my dinner, I realised where I stand and where I should be. All this while I guess I'm at the wrong place at the wrong time, thats why, I've been so down. Now I know where I stand and all the puzzles are being put together soon I guess. I just need motivation.
By the way, I did thought of making an album. A single, but, can I survive alone? I really don't know. I thought maybe I'll give it a try, who knows I can make it. *scratches chin* Its not that I want fame or anything, just that I think I should let this song rot without being heard by many. I don't know, really!! Someone help!
Voiced at 3:28 PM on 20 November 2008
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You know what feels good in life?
If you do, congrats!
I don't really know what to feel good about in my life. Besides having great friends and mates, not forgetting tons of talent that I thank God for, I don't seem to feel what people always describe as good. I'm still lost actually, with all the things that have passed me and never came back. Besides broken hopes and shattered dreams, I think I need to learn more.
Thank God, and friends, that I'd developed positive thinking, which really helps when your mind drifts to the past, to all those dark memories. Positive thinking would make me snap back to reality and let bygones be bygones. Although its good to once in awhile think about the past, so you won't repeat the mistakes that you made.
Now, all I need is to finish my studies, burn all these fucking fats off and find someone with a heart. please thank you goodbye!
Voiced at 1:34 PM on
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~she's not coming back for you~
I'd wake up with these words in mind and smile and thank God for what had happened had really benefit in a way. That's how strong positive thinking can get you. So yeah!
I WOKE UP LATE TODAY! AND MISSED THE MORNING CLASS! =(
And! Delirium finally got a chance to perform at Melaka but Lam's having passport problem =(
Susah seh! I guess I have to find a temporary replacement!
~Its our style to keep it true!~
ouh ya, I've started to make some friends at the course, some were really great buddys, some are old. Guess what? SO WHAT?!
~if i fall back down~
I'm just pouring out whats in my mind now, lemme see.
some more things that im waiting for!
28 nov!
13 dec!
WOW!
=D
Voiced at 11:24 AM on 19 November 2008
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I have too much to keep.
Too little to share
Too little to care
=D
Btw! The course is really getting interesting day by day.
I'm just going with the flow, or against it?
hmmm.
days are numbered now! 9 more days to go, yay!!
wipe them all!
Voiced at 1:17 AM on
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All these years I've waited for that day. That day when I thought I would be free.
Then again, I still feel, that I'm not ready to face the world, nope, not after what happened recently and what happened years back. This is the part of life that you wish you had a time machine. *sigh* 18 years old and lost. Don't know what to have, what to do, where to go. I'm seriously just following the flow of life but today what, Zakiah Halim told me was that. In this life, even if you think that you are going to fall or fail, always give your best and I felt that I gave my best eventhough I know I'm going to fail.
Think of it as challenge. Still I can't keep myself from the reality that I really bit the dust. All this while I've been waiting too long, way too long. Then again, I just too fucked up to think about this thing.
Voiced at 12:51 AM on 18 November 2008
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Today was my first day in Akademi Radio. A course of 5 days which means it ends on Friday. So far so good, only that I will be that sorry-i-don't-talk-much guy. HAHA! I'm just there to fulfil my mom's wish lor. To have a DJ cert and then just help out with dad's DJ-bawah-block business.
I think everythings going to be find, I don't really know much of the Warna-Ria DJs though. Hmmmm. There was A.B Sheik though, the oh-so-charasmatic-so-funny guy. HAHA! Great tips were given in fact, really. So I'll be looking forward to get the cert soon I guess. WOW!
Voiced at 12:38 AM on
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18 dokkkkk!
k
Yesterday was so much too handle! Went Sentosa and had alot of fun! TOO MUCH FUN! Then they surprised me at wani's workplace and guess what! I had 2 surprises in 1! First it was the present from TINI but still I didn't feel like accepting it without having a word with her or at least a smile rite! Then, there she was! TINI! after one week of not talking, not even a single word. There she was smiling at me. Everything got so dreamy for a moment!
Then I just regained myself for the moment and ya! The Tshirt is damn NICE! I tell you! HAHA!
oh ya! Yesterday was the last night of UNDERAGE DRINKING! hehe!
TODAY TODAY!
WAS GREAT tOO!
had to go to some wedding thing!Then met the old peeps and lepak like old times!
it was great!
oh well. LIFE!.
move on or you sink!
Voiced at 12:01 AM on 17 November 2008
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Today was GREAT!
Had school as usual. Then went home, met the classmates later. We headed to Geylang and went KARAOKE babe! GEREK GEREK! Then we had KFC! wawawawa! Really fun ah today. Still tomorrow will be more fun! SENTOSA! What do you do when your own brother is a junkie, a cunt. what would you do? Today I lost my last ounce of mood to my brother talking about junk. JUNK. you condemned it and you yourself are starting to do it. Come on man, you are 26 man. I looked up to you, but now, where do I go? I'd lost a friend, a cousin, no way I'm going to lose a brother to junk man. Please
please talk, don't leave me all clueless and not knowing whats happening. I know its hard to forgive, but you could at least give the smallest chance to make it up to you. I tried to change for you and now, you are all quiet. I'm lost, seriously I am.
Voiced at 11:35 PM on 14 November 2008
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=D
NEVER TRUST A JUNKIE!
I'm sorry to those offended, but this is personally, I'm not doing this because I'm a skinhead or whatever. I'm just hating this kind of people, these drug abusers! Crap shit! Fuck them all!
Voiced at 12:36 AM on
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I suddenly got rid of my addiction of having double meals. I used to have a condition for me to follow, like a motivation so I can achieve more, but now I realised its always up to you. Nobody can make you do it, unless you want to do it!
I've been getting off my butt lately to start jogging and straighten myself up. Whenever I jog I took the time off from thinking about my problems, my hindrance, my faults, my mistakes. I feel comfortable even the pain on my knee was not going away. Today was tortured my Din to jog a bit longer and at a faster pace. I'd keep in mind of my friends who had done this before. The ones who got what they wanted.
I aim is to lose those fats and get a better shaped body. Not to forget a better attitude to life. I vow not to make too much friends because I don't want to be a hindrance to them, a burden to them, like I am now. I feel thankful to God for showing that doesn't mean what you want will make you feel happy. I'm considering this a ray of good luck. I'm all out to show everybody that I'm here to stay, even alone and sad, I'm here.
13 Dec is going to be HECTIC dok!
Voiced at 11:52 PM on 11 November 2008
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"Time will tell"
These three words have stood by me, since I don't know when and guess what? Time told. Time told me its time to fuck off. Live on your own, never lean on any wall because in this life, you can try to do good but guess what, nice guys finish last. Nicer guys never reach the finishing line at all. I had to learn this and I realised what took me so long to realised this. For fuck-sake, I'm turning 18 and my life is already feeling shitty. People don't bother anymore, don't they?
People that you cared for, you cried for, you stood by them for, you kept your promise to them, and no, they don't fucking care. That's why I get pissed off at anybody, anytime, anywhere. Here's this, one day, I will be out to take this stupid fucking frustration out on someone, who will never see this coming, and guess what, nobody can stop me, because nobody cares.
I'm turning crazy because I've been pushed aside, tossed around and kept down just because I was being a good friend. I'm tired to telling people, how sad I feel for you or be there for them WHEN THEY THEMSELVES DON'T BOTHER TO EVEN BE THERE WHEN YOU FELL DOWN. I'm tired, I need to find my own path. Now I'm certainly on the wrong one, but to me, the wrong path is just a long path that will eventually lead to a good path. I need to search deep for my identity, for who I am.
I can no longer see the need to tell people how I feel because everytime I do, there's no fucking difference, don't it? I'd cried and I prayed for someone, and I bet that they didn't even have a thought of me before they go to sleep. That's why in this life. NEVER BE TOO NICE!
Voiced at 7:13 PM on 10 November 2008
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There's a place I've been wanting to go to but I don't know how to get there, who to go with, when I should start the journey, or even the reason to going there.
I just woke up, and having cramps all over. My right shoulder is in pain! My right elbow was swollen since Comrade's set yesterday. HARDCORE! Shine was really great! Great songs from Bob Marley! Wooo. Pssst, I heard that we were the best Oi! band yesterday, hahahaha! Might be true you know!
Can't wait for the next gig!
Voiced at 8:30 AM on 09 November 2008
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Today was really great, the best gig so far. The crowd was better and more alive than before.Really off the hook! The bands were great too, only not to those that cancelled at the last moment. Really unforgettable.
To Tini,
sorry for everything. So this will be the last sorry I will say to you I guess, since you need time to regain yourself. I guess I'm more of a hindrance then a help right. So much for being a friend. Yes, I'm an ass. No doubt. Any help you need, I swear I'll try my best to help. Really sorry for spoiling your mood for the whole day. Thanks for the gooda times. =')
Voiced at 1:18 AM on
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8 nov!
Tomorrow!
Another gig! haha!
So here we are, November, the first week have been fine. Apart from the distorted confused state that I can't get off myself. SO WHAT!
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Fuck reality.
Voiced at 11:17 PM on 07 November 2008
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Dear Passer by,
You may be almost right, but nope. I don't know who or what you are, but seriously, you are just a little cunt. I mean, look at you. So many times you want to 'passby' my blog. I mean, I'm not restricting you from reading, but hey you can get people hurt you know. I mean, unless you don't have a heart that is because I do have one and it was broken, yup, but now I'm picking up all the pieces and putting it together.
AND
No, I'm not waiting for anybody, because I can't be bothered especially when these days people don't even know or understand or feel what you feel in here*points to heart* and it is painful, very. However, I am and will always be there for anybody who have shed light into my life. That's a promise that I made to myself. But I never blame them. Maybe its just what I did or said. People make mistakes, people like me, make more. I don't mind if I'm not forgiven, because life is cruel to the point that you can take a hit without breaking.
OH WAIT
I'm really in a confuse state here. I've got alot of things to do this month. I'm turning 18 too. I've got alot of wish to make true. I wanna turn over a new leaf, right here and now. I don't care if people laugh at me, or just brush me off to the side. I'm going all out!
*God didn't make dreams for nothing*
Voiced at 7:51 PM on 06 November 2008
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girlfriend...girlfriend...*scratches chin*
very random this post is.
I'm seriously very bored, nervous, happy, sad, everything! The gig is on saturday! YAY! I've got a plan, a big plan! Today had our last practice for this saturday and so far everythings going fine.
So far, life's been really really quiet since end of last month. No more dreaming about how good life would be, because its not really getting better. Yet its getting worse. I don't mind, I'll try to live with what I have now. My life is brimming with mistakes, mistakes leads to lessons, lessons lead to a better life, supposedly? Nah. I think God has got a plan for every single human being. Ahah! My time is not yet here but I can imagine the future! I'm really distorted right now, I'm forcing everything that is positive to my brain, I mean from my brain. I need to be strong! I'm just feeling down but I keep things going, nope, not stopping. Anyways, I've started to feel the positive side of life, now that I'm cutting down on meals and also started jogging. I feel goooooood!
BUT!
The heart is still not okay. Nope, not going to be okay, I guess. What the hell am I saying. Wait! The heart is going to heal soon, it takes time especially what it had to go through 4 times this year! 4 times! Wooo! I'm still standing, with my friends, my mates, my family, my brother and myself. I stand up and hell I know I'm going to fall again! BUT WHO GIVES A DAMN! btw, guess what, never lie to yourself about your feelings, orang tua2 cakap, makan dalam.
I'm really having a distorted mindset
Voiced at 9:35 PM on 05 November 2008
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I'm sick, deep down, there's a disease running around my brain. I feel cursed, although I'm forbidden to feel this way. I hate the fact that people just push aside what they don't need. I mean it is good to it on bad habits, but what about friends, who have been there by your side all this while. So suddenly you just made up your mind to talk to him/her anymore just because, you thought that he/she is just another person in your life.
I've been pushed aside many times, I'd never complain before, but this is just too much. How long must I stay here, by the side, alone. I'm only needed when you are facing a difficulty. It is so WHAT THE HELL!
Voiced at 12:55 AM on 04 November 2008
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Today I skipped school for NS checkup. Went alone. Things went smoothly and ya, got Pes BP! Must go for extra months, I don't mind, I mean rather then I stay outside and rot but hey, its still a long way! I still wanna go to TP.
Next week going to Sentosa with them kids. Still I don't feel right yet. FUCKKK!
Voiced at 4:01 PM on 03 November 2008
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Yesterday went off to celebrate little brat cousin Aiman's birthday at Aloha Loyang chalet. He turned 12 but he's still a brat to me. Oh was well, as usual stayed up late, we play monopoly here and now, this cool new edition of monopoly, you don't have to used paper notes for money, but you have this calculator and a cash card to keep track of your money. COOL! Then we did take a dip in the pool. Now, my eyes are really really heavy! hahaha! I need to get some sleep yaw!
Voiced at 11:05 PM on 02 November 2008
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I'm ready to go out to venture my world alone. I realised nobody can really be by your side, not even your friends nor family. The phrase 'you have to make it in this world alone' is true afterall. I can't be bothered anymore. I'll go with the flow, but my mind will never be there. I will be somewhere where nobody knows me for who I am. I just too lazy to move on, so I'll sit here, lie here because if I stand up I'll fal again. So what for? I'll sit here, remembering the past as it was just hourss ago. Remembering all those days that I thought would never end. I need to get out of this stupid fairytale.
Voiced at 1:04 PM on 01 November 2008
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This shit is getting bored for me but still, I just let go what's up in my brain here. Remember its not from my heart, I mean not entirely. Today met up with the kids to celebrate Lam's birthday. He's 18. So what? I still can't wait to celebrate mine, maybe alone by the river. So what? I mean, dad's have been a pain in the ass lately. Pestering me not to enrol for my bike license! He wants the driving license. I want the bike! He's doesn't understand. SO what? Wait. I am missing someone. Tini! She's really busy lately with her camp and the party. Oh well, its really nice to hear that she will be having fun. Really miss chatting with her. So here we go, the last days of 17, I know its too late. SO WHAT?! 16 november, can't wait! THE GIG too is coming, next week actually! wooooooo! Okay! I wanna go, there's no point staying up with noone to chat with, I mean everybody's quiet. SO WHAT?!
Voiced at 1:07 AM on